In The Beginning
by kaitouahiru
Summary: Dean is confused about when Castiel took him into the past. Castiel is willing to explain. Tagged to In The Beginning.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.

* * *

"Dean? Dean!" Sam said, waving a hand in front of his face. "You're spacing out. What're you thinking about?"

"What? Just daydreaming," Dean smiled innocently. _Castiel, their parents, their mom being a hunter, the Impala, Castiel, oh, and did he mention Castiel? _

"Yeah, okay," Sam said, giving Dean a look that clearly said he didn't believe him but he didn't press the issue. "I'm going to get some food. Want anything?"

"Pie!" Dean answered.

"Why did I even ask?" Sam rolled his eyes. "I'll be back."

"Don't forget the pie!" Dean said.

"Dean, when have I ever forgotten the pie- it was one time!" Sam said, slamming the door behind himself. Dean rolled his eyes and slouched down on the couch before getting up to use the bathroom. Water fell over his hands as he washed them. He toyed at the idea of summoning Castiel- maybe the angel could solve his problems- _angels are watching over you, Dean._ The words Mary had told him, the way he had convinced his father to buy the Impala, the way his being there had killed his grandparents-

"Hello, Dean," Dean jumped.

"Don't_ do_ that, Cas!" Dean said. "We need to get you a friggin' bell..." Castiel stood patiently, seemingly waiting for something. "Cas, we've talked about this. Personal space."

"My apologies," Castiel said, taking a step backwards.

"Is there something you wanted, Cas?" Dean asked when he walked out of the bathroom and Castiel followed him, still standing as he sat down.

"What's the matter?" Castiel asked. "Something is bothering you." Dean looked away from the angel- the epitome of perfection.

"Nothing is-"

"Dean," Castiel said. "You cannot lie to me." Dean sighed and looked down at his hands.

"It's..."

"About your time in the past, with your mother and father," Castiel said. Dean gave him an annnoyed look.

"If you knew, why'd you ask?" Dean asked.

"You seemed to be having trouble saying it," Castiel said bluntly. "Dean, you are not the reason your father bought the Impala."

"Then who is?" Dean demanded. "Because I keep going back in time to make sure that event happens and each time, I'm the one who convinces my father to buy the Impala-"

"Dean, there was a beginning," Castiel said, staring into Dean's eyes. "There was an event that happened before I took you back in time."

"What?" Dean asked with a frown. Castiel shifted uncomfortably and avoided Dean's eyes. Dean frowned and got up, following Castiel.

"Don't you walk out that door!" Dean said, grabbing ahold of Castiel's arm and spinning him around. "You tell me what you know!"

"Dean... if I tell you... you have to promise to listen to the story all the way," Castiel said.

"Fine," Dean said. "What?"

"You have to promise," Castiel said patiently.

"Are you four?" Dean asked in disbelief.

"Dean," Castiel said sternly.

"Fine, I promise," Dean grumbled. "Where did you get that promise stuff anyways?"

"Sam told me," Castiel said.

"Dude, you have got to stop hanging around him," Dean said, sitting down again. "So where does this story begin?" Castiel paced for a moment before sitting down on the chair across from Dean. He folded his hands and looked at them before sighing and looking at Dean.

"I once told you that certain people- special people- could perceive my true visage and I believed you were one of them," Castiel said.

"Okay...?" Dean said.

"Do you remember what your mother would tell you?" Castiel asked. "At night, when she put you to sleep?"

"That angels were watching over me. But why do you know that?" Dean asked with a frown. Castiel took in a deep breath and avoided Dean's gaze before looking back.

"Because Mary Winchester was one of those people who could perceive my true visage- and so were you, at one time," Castiel said. "And I was the angel who was watching over you."

* * *

"You- I- what?" Dean exploded, standing up. "What do you mean you were watching over me?"

"Dean-" Castiel said, standing up, reaching out to put a hand on Dean's arm but Dean slapped it away.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dean demanded. "Why did you-"

"You promised to listen to my story. I will explain everything to you in due time but you have to listen, Dean," Castiel said. Dean glared at Castiel but sat down.

"Fine. I'm listening," Dean said.

"You want to know why you don't remember me and why you could see my true visage when you were younger," Castiel said. "Tell me, Dean, do you remember much before Sam was born or before your mother died?"

"No... but I was a kid," Dean said.

"The fact that you don't remember anything... its- its my fault," Castiel said. "I couldn't protect you from the archangels..." Castiel was biting his lip and Dean was staring at Castiel, who was looking down, trying to keep the unshed tears unshed.

"What do you mean... you couldn't protect me? What do they have to do with anything?" Dean demanded. Castiel blinked furiously and looked away from Dean. "Cas, are you _crying_?"

"No!" Castiel said, standing up and walking away from Dean. Dean got up and grabbed Castiel, pulling him into a hug.

"Dean... what are you doing?" Castiel asked.

"I don't know, honestly," Dean said. Castiel hesitated before wrapping his arms around Dean, pulling him closer.

"Back then, you... you were- and are- the most precious thing to me," Castiel said before letting go and walking to the window.

"Dude, that's a little creepy," Dean said.

"It's true," Castiel said, "I should not have cared about humans like I have cared about you but I cared for you like no other- or angel could."

"I thought angels haven't been seen on earth for like, two thousand years or two million, whatever. But I know it had a two in it," Dean said.

"Angels haven't been seen because they haven't used their powers," Castiel said.

"So how did you and I meet?" Dean asked.

"Angels... can hear people's prayers and every once in awhile, they find someone who completes them. I heard your mother's prayers... and your soul calling out to me," Castiel said.

"You're saying we're soul mates?" Dean asked.

"That is one way of looking at it," Castiel said. "Do you realize that you have barely ever called me Castiel?"

"I give people nicknames, so what?" Dean frowned.

"But it seemed natural to call me Cas, didn't it? And you know when I'm in the room before you see me," Castiel said. "Our souls are connected... and they call to each other."

"Like letting me know you're in the room before I see you," Dean said.

"Yes, like that," Castiel agreed.

"But how did my mom find out about you?" Dean asked.

"Children like to talk about their friends," Castiel said. "You, especially. Your father believed that you had an imaginary friend named 'Cas.' Your mother, being a hunter, was worried. She waited in the closet..."

"You had to have known she was there," Dean said. "Why did you risk it?" Castiel sucked in his breath.

"You did not understand that most humans couldn't see me and you didn't know your mother was in the closet. By that time, we had established a routine. I would visit you after your parents put you to bed. I knew she was there but you just kept crying and crying for me... Eventually, I let myself forget that Mary was there and I went to you," Castiel said. "She, uh, she tried to hit me with a frying pan."

"A frying pan?" Dean asked.

"I jammed the gun," Castiel said.

"So you got to know my mother... but my dad bought the Impala before I was born," Dean said.

"I... there were times that I got visions of you- in that particular car," Castiel said. "I didn't understand why I was having visions of a young man who I could find no trace of because he wasn't born but just in case, I had the salesman persuade your father that way."

"But that doesn't explain the yellow eyed demon killing my grandparents," Dean said.

"He got Mary's scent because she went to defend her friend. Your grandfather had been possessed and he used that body to go after your grandmother and then your mother and father," Castiel said. "I wasn't able to do anything because you weren't born yet... I couldn't hear your soul calling to me. Why are you crying?"

"Shut up! I'm not!" Dean said, wiping away the tears. Castiel leaned forward and brushed a stray tear off of Dean's face.

"Dean," Castiel said.

"I- I don't remember," Dean said. "I don't remember you and it wasn't my fault-"

"It was never your fault," Castiel said. "What happened happened. It may have happened differently but it doesn't matter."

"What happened with the archangels?" Dean frowned.

"Angels... are not supposed to care about humans the way I cared about you. They took you away from me... and me from you. I failed you," Castiel said.

"But you found me again," Dean said.

"No, Dean. You found me," Castiel said.

"How? I don't even remember you from before-" He cut himself off when Castiel put a hand over his heart.

"Your soul resides in your heart and your eyes. The part that recognizes me is in your heart. The archangels took the recognition of me from your eyes. It'd be like you never knew me. But they could not touch the soul in your heart, for which, I am truly grateful," Castiel said.

"But why can't I see your true vis- self- whatever! Why can't I see you?" Dean demanded.

"Because your eyes are having trouble catching up to your heart," Castiel said. "I should go now. Sam is coming back."

"Wait, Cas," Dean said. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because I couldn't bare to hear your soul screaming anymore," Castiel said. He paused before he leaned over to kiss Dean's forehead. "I used to do that when you were younger... it became a game." And then he disappeared.

"Dean, I got the pie! You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost," Sam said.

"If my eyes are having trouble catching up to my heart, what does that mean?" Dean asked.

"Uh, maybe you need to slow your heart down?" Sam asked.

"I'll be back," Dean said. "Stay here for a few days."

"A few- where are you going?" Sam demanded.

"To Lawrence," Dean said, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

He didn't want to go to the grave... He really didn't but he wanted to know. And that was why he was forcing himself to walk to Mary Winchester's grave.

"Mom, hi... it's Dean. Geez, this seems like something Sam would do... oh yeah, he's doing good, by the way, I mean considering everything..." Dean said. "And- I'm just gonna come out and say it. Cas is- Cas is an angel. I can't be with him! He's- he's perfect! And I'm... I broke the first seal. I haven't done anything to deserve an angel... And I told him that I didn't remember him... I lied, mom, I lied! I remembered everything after he pulled me out of hell! I remembered when I felt his hand pull me out!"

"I know, Dean," Dean turned around to see his angel.

"Cas...?" Dean said,

"I told you already. You can't lie to me," Castiel said. "I know you remember."

"You should be mad then!" Dean said.

"Not at you, Dean. Never at you," Castiel said. Dean stared at Castiel. "And contrary to popular belief, I am not perfect. I... I have doubts, but you knew that. I disobeyed heaven for you... your soul called to me and I answered."

"But... that makes my soul awful," Dean said.

"No, Dean. That just makes your soul human," Castiel said, walking towards Dean. "And mine."

"But-"

"Dean, the Impala is yours. Sammy is yours. And _I_ am yours," Castiel said. Dean reached forward and pulled Castiel closer, holding him tight before kissing him.

"And now, your eyes have caught up to your heart," Castiel said.

* * *

_"Cas!" Dean cried. "Cas!"_

_Mary closed her eyes in the closet. She bit her lip and leaned against the wall._

_"CAS!" John was probably deep asleep, because he wasn't answering his son's calls. Mary held the gun to her chest and the frying pan she had brought along with her by accident. She was about to go out of the closet to answer Dean's cries when she heard a flutter._

_"Dean, please stop crying," she heard._

_"Cas late," Dean sniffled._

_"I'm sorry-"_

_"Don't touch my son!" Mary said, coming out of the closet with a gun. She pulled the trigger only to find it jammed. When the gun failed, she stared at the angel in horror before it turned to anger and she grabbed the frying pan, aiming to swing at Castiel. Castiel reacted quickly, grabbing the frying pan easily and tossing it away harmlessly, staring at Mary confused._

_"I am not a demon," he said._

_"Then what are you?" she demanded._

_"I'm-"_

_"Cas!" Dean ordered, pulling on the sleeves that got into the crib._

_"Dean, hold on," Castiel said. "I'm an angel of God."_

_"Are you... are you really?" Mary asked. Castiel nodded and then just stared at her when she threw holy water on him._

_"Can't be to sure... Oh my... you're an angel," Mary said._

_"Yes," Castiel nodded._

_

* * *

_

_And after a few weeks, Mary wasn't quite used to an angel popping up in her sons room but she had gotten used to waiting for him to tell him about the things Dean had done and Castiel had missed. She had even taken up Dean's nickname for him. "Cas, why did you choose my son to watch over?" Mary asked. "Not that I'm ungrateful or anything!" Castiel considered her question for a moment before answering._

_"His soul called out to me and I answered," Castiel said, "Dean, I said I was sorry..." he picked Dean up, after what probably seemed like an eternity to Dean._

_"Why would his soul call out to you?" Mary asked. Castiel looked up from Dean and pinned Mary with his intense stare._

_"I believe you would say soul mates," Castiel said. _

_"Aren't you...?" Mary asked._

_"You say soul mate. I say he is mine to protect and make happy," Castiel said._

_"That sounds like... a lover," Mary frowned._

_"I have... never been with anyone, Mary," Castiel shifted. "I highly doubt-"_

_"You've never been with another person- or angel even?" Mary asked. _

_"I've never had the occasion," Castiel said. Mary smiled and looked at her son and Castiel interact... the way that Dean reached and Castiel knew what he wanted or how Dean knew where Castiel was without seeing him first. _

_"Cas," she said, putting her hand on Castiel's cheek._

_"My Cas!" Dean protested._

_"Yes, your Cas," Mary agreed with a smile, withdrawing her hand. "So, soul mates?" Castiel's eyes warmed._

_"Soul mates,"_


	2. Chapter 2

Me: This was supposed to be one chapter... and then I forgot to put "complete" on it. Then I decided to leave it for awhile and see if a second chapter would pop up, which it did!

* * *

Sam wasn't likely to tell Dean any time soon but he remembered Castiel from when he was younger. He didn't know how but he did. He remembered the intensity of the blue eyes and he remembered Castiel interacted with his brother. Sam didn't understand how he remembered when he wasn't even six months old. He just remembered Castiel holding him and Dean pouting.

* * *

_"Cas!" Dean squealed. _

_"Hello, Dean," Castiel smiled. "Welcome home." He bent down so that Dean could run into his arms, hugging him tightly. Sam blew bubbles with his spit, looking curiously at his big brother and the angel from his baby bouncer. The baby was curious at the interaction from his big brother and Cas. Sam didn't know what Cas' long name was but Dean called him Cas so it seemed to be okay. He liked his brother's angel. Sam didn't understand about angels but he knew that his big brother Dean really loved Cas.  
_

_"You met Sammy," Dean said._

_"Yes, I met Sammy," Castiel nodded. Dean frowned and crossed his arms and then uncrossed them, walking towards the fridge. Sam gurgled and squealed as his big brother walked away from him._

_"Hold on, Sammy," Dean said. "I'm getting juice." He reached into the fridge and Cas bent down to pick Dean up but Dean squirmed away. Cas looked confused and a little hurt._

_"Dean?" Cas asked. "What is the matter?"_

_"Nothing!" Dean said. Sammy looked at his brother. His brother had different faces for different things like sad and happy and now lying._

_"Dean," Cas said a little bit more firmly. Dean looked at his feet, suddenly bashful._

_"You're gonna love Sammy more then me, right? You're gonna stop loving me..." Dean asked._

_"No, Dean, I am not," Cas said firmly, bending down so that he was Dean's height. "I will grow to love Sammy. But I will always love you." Dean looked up, staring into Castiel's blue eyes._

_"Promise?"_

_"Promise," Cas said. Dean held out his pinky and when Castiel held out his pinky, looking confused, Dean connected their pinkies. _

_"Pinky Promise," Dean said. _

_"Pinky Promise," Cas repeated._

_"Cross my heart and hope to die," Dean said._

_"Dean, you should not-"_

_"Cas!" Dean said._

_"Cas, just say it," Mommy came in then, smiling. Castiel frowned at Mary but he repeated the phrase as she picked up Sammy. After Castiel repeated the phrase, Dean threw himself into Cas' arms.  
_

_"See that, Sammy? There's an angel in the room," Mary smiled.

* * *

_"Hello, Sam," Castiel said.

"Hey, Cas," Sam said. He felt the hair on the back of his neck prick up, and sure enough, Castiel was watching him. "Cas, do you need something?"

"You remember that?" Castiel asked.

"R-remember what?" Sam asked.

"You know what I mean, Sam. Don't worry. I won't tell Dean," Castiel said. "Is something else the matter?"

"N-no. Nothing," Sam said.

"Sam," Castiel said, more sternly. Sam sighed and then jumped when Castiel walked up to him, peering up at him and tilting his head with a frown. "You are wondering why Dean has an angel looking out for him and not you. You... you are wondering if I am disappointed in you."

"How did you know that?" Sam asked. "Dude, don't go poking around in my thoughts!"

"My apologies. Sam, Dean has a_ present_ angel looking out for him because without one, he would surely be lost," Castiel said.

"What do you mean 'present angel'?" Sam frowned.

"You and Dean were always of great importance. Dean was the older and therefore burdened with more responsibility. I was sent to him to help him along his path for as long as I could. I came back as soon as I was able," Castiel said.

"Why did you leave?" Sam asked.

"After... after your mother died, he could no longer perceive my true visage and that was how I was able to go to him. It was... not recommended we take a vessel," Castiel said. "So I had to wait until I could take a vessel to go to him."

"And... you're disappointed in me?" Castiel regarded him for a moment.

"Certain influences had led you to certain places. I am not disappointed in the man you have become now," Castiel said. Sam opened his mouth to respond but then he blinked and Castiel was gone.

* * *

_"Hello, Sam. My name is Castiel," the angel said. "I am going to watch over you and your brother from now on." He touched Sam's cheek and Sam reached for his finger, gripping it gently. Castiel tilted his head and relinquished control of his finger to Sam. He and Sam had a staring match until Mary came in._

_"Dean will be home soon, Cas," Mary told him. Castiel glanced at the clock and nodded. Sam began crying and Castiel pulled his finger away, alarmed. "Can you bring him over for me? He's just hungry." Castiel nodded and picked Sam up, bringing him to Mary. Mary finished breast feeding him when they heard a knock on the door._

_"Dean's home," Mary smiled, putting Sam back in his crib. Mary walked to open the door and then pointed Dean into the kitchen.  
_

_"Cas!"  
_


End file.
